bleeding love
by thisi
Summary: what i felt when i read twilight i put it into a poetic form............ i hope you like it ...... let me know your comments.


**Bleeding love**

Emptiness

Numbness

That I felt for so long

Engulfed all senses and all hopes

That was before I met you my love

All the stormy clouded days

Left me insane and ravaging the days

Obsessed with my hunger

Loneliness in a world of love that surrounded me

Is that what I was born here for?

Why? Why me?

I'm a monster I know but is this all I deserve

To be left without a speck of hope for all eternity?

That was before I met you my love.

In their eyes I was sorrow in the highest peak

In my mother's eyes I saw pity

I make them suffer for my inabilities

I make them feel helpless

Make it right

Oh god, please…!

There is no god for me

But that was before I met you my love

Now I wonder why god made such injustice to you.

To make you love me so

To hold my hand when I fought a battle within me to keep you alive

Safe from not any, but me.

My whole body ached when you are so near

But the love I felt was already great

All pain faded away from my life

Now surrounded by the loveliness you take with yourself wherever you go.

Do I deserve this?

I keep coming back

I keep on loving you

I can't stop this unbeatable obsession.

If there is anything in the world to keep you away from me

I would do it in a heartbeat

but will you survive?

Will you still wait for me?

Will you still want me?

I guess you always will.

I guess you'll always be there ……….waiting for me.

I guess you'll still cry for me at night.

I know you'll still love me.

I just know it.

"Love"…..

Seems funny that someone like me will know the meaning of a word so pretty and delightful.

I didn't know what it meant before.

I've unconsciously battled with it for so long

I've lost all sense of what it meant

But that was before I met you my love.

You awakened things that I never knew existed within me

Things I buried far and deep not to be unearthed again.

I should have known better.

I should have walked away

There are so many things I should have done.

So many……….

I don't want you to change.

I just …..don't………..

I want you to be you

I don't want you to sacrifice all you are just to be with me for eternity.

I'll survive when you are gone

I'll wait until you are born again

I'll find you somehow.

I know it.

Just don't do it darling

I know I won't be able to survive when you are gone

But I will still have hope within me

Hope that I can live a thousand more life times with you by my side.

Wherever you are I will still find you.

I will still look for you……

I won't stop

I swear I won't stop…………

One day it all started to fall into place

Beyond my control

I watched while everything around me changed

Watched while everything drifted to place

It happened so fast

I was helpless

Letting you go ripped my soul apart

But it was always the right choice

A choice that I failed to realize

Because of my selfishness

But looking back now

It was all meant to happen

Something that would have happened no matter what I did

And I am so glad that I did make a choice

A choice that would change my life forever.

A choice that I would never look back upon……..

Yet the day you saw who I really was

Was the day I gave a name to what I felt deep inside

A feeling so unfamiliar

A feeling beyond reach for someone like me

It took time for me to realize that I was in love with you.

I always was

And I always will be……….

I still cannot believe that you felt the same way

Knowing I was different

Knowing I was dangerous

You loved me

And made my heart beat once more

And feel the cold blood flowing through these veins

Only for you

I reached for you every time you were not here with me

I searched for you day and night

Your image in my head kept me alive

Every second every minute we spent apart

I knew of the danger I brought upon you

I knew of the task that was upon me

To save you I had to leave

To save you I had to let go of the one thing that made sense in my life

The one thing that kept me alive

The one thing that kept me sane

The love I felt for you kept me breathing.

I'm sorry for the way I left you

I'm sorry that I broke your heart

I know you hurt deep within

But the pain I felt inside me was ripping me apart every single second

I was dying inside……….. a slow agonizing death

But nothing could free me from this torture except you.

Without you I would not survive.

If there was a day that you would leave me behind and move on

That day will be the day my heart stops……….

That day will be the last of me………

I'll die keeping you safe within me where no one can touch

Remembering you so pure, untouched…………

Remembering you for who you are………

Mine……… mine for eternity…………..

I went on searching

I went on waiting

But your love deprived of my sanity

I thought I did it for the best

But now I know it wasn't

I hurt you even more by being away

I killed you slowly each day

I never thought that I would see you again

Until the day you appeared before me my angel.

My eyes deceived me

You are a part of me

A part of my existence.

My whole life.

I would give anything for your happiness

Anything you ask

Anything………………..

I didn't want to make a choice

I didn't want you to suffer

I want you to be happy with the life you chose

And I hope you chose the life you dreamed of.

Forgive me my love

But I wonder why you chose me?

Why you let go of a life so normal

A life so real

For an eternity of torture

You ask of me something I wouldn't dream of doing

I don't want you to be one of us

I want you to be my own Bella

My angel, my sanity ………….. my life

You ask too much for me to handle

Don't get me wrong

I want you so much

I want you to be beside me for all eternity

But not like this………..

What can I do to change your mind?

Let you go?


End file.
